A blizzard of consuming despair

Searching for something within that is warm

All efforts to stop falls short

No calming this destructive storm

My mind fires maliciously programmed bullets

Despite what I attempt to say

The toxic thoughts only return

Haunted, tormented, every single day

 

While persistently hearing negative words from the outside

They begin causing destruction from within

Despite how hard I fight against them

These terrible thoughts begin to win

You can't trust yourself

Your judgement is flawed

You're losing your mind

I can't seem to ignore the horrible words I am called

 

Just stop talking, you're wrong

You can't do anything right

How could you possess the audacity

Thinking you are even worth a fight?

Your opinion doesn't matter

No one is interested in what you have to say

You want to talk about feeling disrespected?

You're voice doesn't matter, so just go away

​​

Being the most selfish person

You don't think about others enough

You have dreams? They're ridiculous

Get your head out of the clouds and just step up

It's obvious you're not even trying

They say, knowing that their words taunt

I start to believe that I can't be trusted with autonomy

That I don't even deserve to live my life how I want

​

Everything I try is not nearly good enough

What I do, what I think, doesn't even matter

I endure the whirlwind, the torrent of insults

I'm failing and I know that I'm expected to do better

I'm not talented at all and I'll never be that good

So I might as well stop dreaming

I have no energy or confidence to keep going

I might as well stop striving for greatness and achieving

​

You are unbelievably immature and worthless, they say

Everyone else is worth so much more than you

So now I must only to answer to others

But of course, now I am told that I'm weak, because I do

I begin to explicitly trust the judgement of others

Because I'm only worthy to achieve what others expect

What I want to do with my life is pointless

I must give up, and start trusting others, instead

 

I don't deserve control over my own life

So is trying really worth the cost?

I began to wander, just floating, as if I was lucid

Because for years, I heard these words from the one I trusted most

Trained to be subject to someone else's whims

Walking on eggshells, so I am not even worthy enough to say no

Eventually these horrific words became my thoughts

Beaten down to ensure that only negativity and destruction will flow

 

Do these traits really describe me?

My therapist claims that they don't

Am I really all these horrible things?

Meanwhile, the toxic thoughts intervene, trying to prevent growth

Is my therapist right about me?

Ever louder, my soul begins screaming out the truth

While my internal hearing begins improving

I find myself still doubting because I require much more proof

​

Is my therapist right about me?

That I am worth so much more

No, I'm not

Yes, I am

No, I'm not

Yes, I am

​

I can think better thoughts

I can trust myself more

No, I can't

Yes, I can

No, I can't

Yes, I can

 

She says I am fierce enough to stand up for myself

That I am worth just as much as them

I deserve the power to say no

And if I feel I am worthy, I really can

Other's perceptions of me don't really matter

I am worthy to be loved and treated with respect

Feel free to embrace unconditional love

Not just from others, but from myself

​

I can love myself

I deserve to love myself

I am allowed to stand up for myself

I am allowed to say no, for myself

I am allowed to walk away, for myself

I am worthy

​

Yes, I am

 

I am worthy